Point 1:The argument of personal expirence March 2, 2009

Why is it that people use their own personal experiences as solid proof for the existence of their god? ( and no, this is not the same as “eye witness” accounts)

People claim that they have “seen” god, or have seen other divine visions. Some even say that god talks to them. While this may be enough to convince an individual and the religious folk surrounding them that they have had a first hand encounter with god, it is not enough for the majority of the population. In fact, I’m pretty sure that when people go around saying they have seen and heard things that no one else has, they end up in the hospital for a psychological evaluation. I won’t deny that the experience may seem very real for the person going though it, but it doesn’t mean that it is real.

Even when I was involved in the church, I “saw” and “felt” things. In hindsight, I realize now, that I was simply feeding off the emotions and promptings of the people around me.

As far as signs go, I have found that anyone looking for a “sign” from god will find one no matter what. I will use a recent example:

I work with a very religious woman. She shared with me that she and her husband were having some problems. She asked for my advice and I told her that she needed to confront her husband and work it out. Her response was ” I thought about that, and then decided to pray for god to give me a sign so I would know what to do. I told god that if he wanted me to let the issue rest, then make my husband kiss me before he went to work, and my husband did kiss me before he left, so I know god doesn’t want me to bring it up and everything is fine with my husband and I now.”

Now, I know for a fact that my co-worker is a non confrontational person and will do anything to avoid an argument. She also knows that her husband always kisses her when he leaves for work, so she picked a constant to serve as her sign because she knew it would happen anyway, and then she convinced herself that it was really god telling her what to do, thus keeping her out of a situation she wanted to avoid in the first place. She set herself up to get the “answer” she wanted. It’s not god’s handiwork as much as it is manipulation and it certainly offers no proof of the divine.

Let me make myself perfect clear February 27, 2009

I made a statement ” god does not exist”, I was asked to back that up. That is the only purpose in the previous post and the ones that will follow this. I am not looking for anyone to prove to me that god does exist, I am not looking to get those that believe in god to disbelieve, I’m not even looking to argue! ( though at times arguing is inevitable) I am simply sharing on my own personal blog why I have come to such an opinion because I was asked to do so.

well look what i’ve gone and started… February 26, 2009

A fellow word press blogger who frequents this page, and who’s opinions i respect ( though do not always agree with) has given me the challenge of backing up claim that ” there is no god.” I believe his comment was :

” For you to say “there is no God” is mere opinion, and thus you have no proof to offer to back that statement up. So why make it?”

And while it is true that the statement is a “mere opinion”, one should not assume that I am arrogant enough to make such a statement without good reason. And so I have now been given the task of explaining myself, fair enough. Consider this post the “introduction” to my statement, which I would also like to edit a bit. I originally said “there is no god”. I suppose what I should have said was, It is possible that there is a god ( because really, with enough imagination isn’t anything possible?), but it is not probable. Stay tuned…

Oh for the love of February 13, 2009

If i read another remark about how ” god loved the Hudson river crash survivors more then the Buffalo crash victims” I’m seriously gonna fuckin loose it. First of all, there is no god. Secondly don’t you fuckers realize that death is just something we all must experience? By this logic, wouldn’t it make more sense to say that “god” doesn’t love anyone because we all die at some point anyway? There is no untimely death, death is not a punishment ( though the way you die may be) everyone goes when it’s time to go, yes it sucks, yes it’s tragic but god has nothing to do with it and to suggest that the passengers on the Hudson River plane were more loved by god then the people in Buffalo is ridiculous and insensitive and disgusting.

typical typical February 13, 2009

i recently had a conversation with my sister and she informed me that my father was letting her live with him rent free so she could finish school. Funny how when I wanted to live at home to go to school my father made me pay him rent as well as pay for my own classes/books/transportation, for two semesters i tried to hold down a job ( which he pressured me to work more hours because he needed the money) as well as pass my classes, it didn’t work and i ended up quitting school altogether. it seems whether he was aware of it or not, my fther did everything he could to cripple me in order to keep me with him. it just hurts because i see my sister who is able to do the things she wants to do and getting the help and support that she needs and i just wonder why it wasn’t given to me as well. whatever, what’s done is done i guess…

True Story February 12, 2009

When I was about ten or eleven years old I woke up one morning to the smell of something not quite right coming from our kitchen. It smelled like burnt everything. I went into the kitchen and didn’t see anything, however I did notice that the microwave was unplugged. I opened it and to my horror I saw that the entire inside of the mircrowave had turned into this charred molten bubble looking thing. As it turns out my mother tried to bake a potato in the mircowave the same way you might bake a potato in an oven or fire pit, you know, wrapped in foil…I can’t believe the house didn’t burn down, sometimes I wish it had. And now that I think about it, all this time I passed it off as my mother being a little dim, but seeing that she is severely mentally ill, I have been plagued by the morbid thought that maybe she knew exactally what she was doing, maybe she was trying to kill herself and take us with her…

So backward January 23, 2009

For the last few days my boss had been walking around with that deer in headlights shell shocked kinda look. I made the mistake of asking her is she was OK. She informed me that she has been in meetings all week with our school’s committee and board trying to work out some kind of solution to keep our school from being on the economical chopping block. She said, that as it stands now, they have no resolved it which means that if nothing changes soon, each employee will be loosing at least $2,500 from their already pitiful pay. So for me this means I will be loosing my health insurance as well as taking a pay cut. I’ve already lost about $180 a month because my boss has been cutting back on the overtime ( which I understand) I wanted to say that if I loose anymore in my pay I would have to find another job, but then I remembered that there are no jobs to be had, so now I’m thinking is less money better then no money? hell yeah it is.

What I don’t understand is why is it then when ever corners need to be cut child care and school are always the first ones to get the ax? Don’t they realize that it is these facilities that help keep the economy going? If my boss can’t pay us, she has no staff, if she has no staff she has no program, if there is no program there is no care for the child, if there is no care for the child the parent can’t work, if the parent can’t work they cannot make money, if they cannot make money they can’t spend, if they can’t spend the economy suffers.

Our facility is already suffering due to all the parents that have been laid off and can no longer afford to send their child. As of today my school only has half the amount of children we are licensed to have. Two years ago we had a waiting list for enrollment. Today we’re lucky if one family calls just looking for information.

Even the low income families who get assistance to pay are being effected, because if these cuts pass, these families will recieve less assitance which means they will have to pay our school more. Some of these families are barely able to make the payments as is, theres no way they’ll be able to afford the school if their assistance is cut.

Now, I know a easy solution to this problem might be to lower the tuition, or cut some of the programs that our school offers. The thing about lowering the tuition, is that we’re already a relatively cheap school, I’m not sure we could lower the cost anymore without risking the electric being shut off. We could cut our food program, but there are many children in our school who would not eat for the day, and we feel that food is a basic need that everyone is entitled to.

It’s all just so frustrating and backward.

A Different direction January 15, 2009

So, if you know me, then you know that one of my HUGE passions is writing. All I have ever wanted to be is a published, successful author. My initial goal was to write a memoir. I have not given up on this goal, I just don’t feel that I am emotionally secure enough to dedicate several hours out of each day reliving my past pains and traumas. Right now, it seems the venting I do on this blog is all I can sanely handle right now. Having said that, I am going to be taking some of my free time to work on my fiction piece which I would like to see in print and on the shelves in the not to distant future. I’m also hoping that if I can be successful with a fictional piece, it may give me a following and I can use that to sell my memoir. Ben has contacted one of his friends ( an old professor from when he was in college) who specializes in women in art. He has asked her to critique the work I have so far and to help me in the publishing process. Now keep in mind, nothing I have is even remotely close to being publish ready, but just knowing that I have these new resources is making me hopeful that this could be something I could succeed in. I am also considering auditing a writing class at one of the local schools by me. Maybe a weekend class. We’ll see how it goes, at the moment I’m feeling really motivated, but who knows how excited I’ll be about it next week. That’s my biggest problem, I am always ALWAYS loosing my motivation and inspiration. I wish I could just hang onto it for a change.

blah January 14, 2009

Been feelin’ kinda bummy lately. Kinda depresso. I’ve been going to the gym for about a week now, not really seeing any results. O honestly think there was a part of me that thought that one forty five minute work out would leave me one hundred pounds lighter. Whatever…also been dwelling on the fact that I am twenty five years old and so far my life has added up to a big steaming pile of nothing. I mean my god, a quarter of my life is already gone and what have I done with it? Alot of bitching is what I’ve done with it. I was talking to Ben about it tonight though and he helped alot. He’s actually gonna talk to one of his old professors to see if she can help me with some of my writing pieces, so we’ll see how that goes. Ugh, even sitting here typing is begining to piss me off, so im just gonna end here. Later.

jumbled rant. January 1, 2009

I received a Christmas card from my grandmother the day after Christmas. In it was a seventy five dollar check ( fifty of it was actually in place of a birthday check I received and twenty five of it was for christmas) I e-mailed her to let her know that I had received the card and to thank her for the generous gift. The e-mail I got in response was a bit odd.

She started out by saying that she hoped I was content with my life, then went on to tell me that her granddaughter Lisa would be visiting her for her birthday.

This was the part that I found odd. That she would address my cousin as her granddaughter. I mean, technically speaking, she was correct in calling her her ” granddaughter.” But, I don’t know. It just seemed odd that she would say ” my granddaughter Lisa” instead of ” your cousin Lisa” .

I also got a Christmas card from my dad. In it, he wrote that he missed me and that the family missed me and that he thought I should call everyone.

Well, you know what? To be completely brutal and harsh and HONEST, I don’t miss my father at all. And I don’t miss my critical, alcoholic, discouraging relatives. I don’t miss the anxiety I would feel everytime I had to be around my dad. I don’t miss clenching my jaw to refrain from telling someone off because they happened to have had a little to much to drink, I don’t miss talking to my aunts and even my sister only to be met with ” uh huh uh huh uh huh uh huh” as a response before they change the topic onto themselves. I don’t miss the awkward pauses, I don’t miss the fake embraces for family’s sake. Fuck you! Oh and by the way, the phone works as well on your end as it does mind ( with the exception of my dad because I specifically asked him not to call me) but I didn’t cut any of them out of my life. If they missed me why hasn’t my phone been ringing? Where are the letters? Where are the e-mails? I’m so fucking sick and tired of running around like a dumb for shit puppy bouncing around the heels of owners that could give two shits for them. You want to talk to me, pick up the mother fucking phone and call me. Why can’t I call you? Well because I don’t fucking want to. I’m not the one missing you so why should I do the work? I’m done appeasing you people.