I have decided i am going to try very hard to stay away from celebrity themed news reports. as much as I’d like to say i don’t give a shit about them, somehow when “breaking news” hits I am sucked into the vortex of irrelevant celebrity gossip. I’m sick of reading about who’s dating who, who’s fighting with who, who made some “controversial” statement and now needs to apologize, i can’t fit anymore of it into my brain because every time i do, i feel like a part of me is getting dumber and dumber. sure it’s been a guilty pleasure, but it needs to stop. now. so this is my late new years resolution of sorts. I’m done with TMZ, Perez Hilton, I’m done with glancing through all those gossip mags while I’m waiting on line at whatever store I happen to be with. I’m going to invest more time knowing about what’s going on in the lives of my friends and family rather than people I will never know.
shame on me…
i always find that when i am really involved with feeling sorry for myself, something comes along to slap me upside the head and tell me to chill the fuck out.
here’s the deal. i’m stressed about money, i hate that i live pay check to pay check. i hate that i have a obscene amount of bills in collections. i hate that my credit is shot to shit. i hate that i can’t save and that i don’t have a financially secure lifestyle. so i’m diving head first into the self pitty -woe-is-me shit when i meet someone who is far worse off than me.
a single mother working 40-60 hours a week trying to make a life for her and her son in this country.
She is making LESS than minimum wage. She works up to 60 hours a week for 5.15 an hour!!!!! She works more hours than I do, and yet I make in a week what she makes in a month. How the fuck is she supposed to take care of her kid like that!? What’s worse, is that I don’t think she’s aware of the labor laws in this country. I don’t think she knows that as a legal citizen ( yes she is legal i promise) she has rights as an employee and is entitled to a minimum amount of pay that is much more than what she is actually getting.
i feel like such an asshole for bitching that i can’t afford luxury shit when this woman can’t afford to keep a roof over her and her son’s head.
what’s even worse, is that, about one month from now, I will probably have forgotten about this woman and her son’s problem and go right back to bitching about why I can’t buy my third pair of sneakers.
yes i am aware that i am an asshole.
sinner
i ran into someone from the church i used to go to lifetimes ago. it was the most awkward thirty seconds of my life. she asked me about what i’ve been up to and i gave her the boring details about work and trying to go back to school and a part of me wanted to lie about living with my boyfriend but then i thought, what the fuck does it matter? so i told her and as soon as the words left my mouth, she gave me that forced smile that people give you when they clearly think you have done something wrong but they don’t have the balls to say it to your face, and then she said ” so i guess you’re not involved with any church then?” I told her I wasn’t, and even though there is nothing wrong with what i told her, i still felt guilty.
some people would say that my guilt feelings are really “god” trying to “call” me back to him/her/it but i think it’s just the foul residue of my former church life that basically said anything that isn’t centered around god and serving him/her/it is wrong and sinful and should be repented of immediately. this is why i always have anxiety attacks about seeing the people i used to be involved with, i just don’t want to deal with their insincerity and blatant judgement of me.
i hope i made her feel dirty.
This day keeps getting weirder and weirder…
So, after I was kindly woken up by crazy people, I went to the bank to close my account as I’m walking home, I see this kid on a bike headed in my direction and he starts to yell ” Miss! Miss!” I’m in a bad mood so at first I ignore it, but the closer I get I see that he’s crying so I ask him what’s wrong and he tells me that these guys in a car just called him a faggot and threatened to bash his head in and kill him. He said he was really scared and he didn’t know what to do.
Now, for a split second, the un-trusting side of me thinks that this is a scam, that he’s faking it to get money or something out of me. As soon as this thought enters my mind, this car pulls up and there’s this guy hanging out of it waving something around ( knife possibly?) and starts to say that if he ever sees his fag face again he’s gonna kill him. I try to get the license plate but the car is too fast. So now the kid is buggin out even more, I have never seen anyone shake so much!
So I tell him to walk with me and I take him down a side street next to the catholic church because I figure that’s a safe place, as we’re walking he says he thinks he’s having a heart attack, I ask him how old he is and he tells me he’s 24 ( I thought he was in high-school) I promise him he is not having a heart attack, but now he’s frozen in place and won’t walk any further so I have to put my arm under him and kinda drag him to the curb to sit down. I call the cops, and a few minutes later they arrive and take over.
This is by far the strangest thing to have ever happened to me.
